"To all who mourn in Israel, He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for His own glory." Isaiah 61:3
I sit here in a hotel on the other side of the world from where I gave birth to you 2 years ago today.
I'm just days away from welcoming your sister, Lily, into our arms and our family forever.
Caroline, I couldn't have said, "Yes", to adopting Lily if it weren't for you.
You gave me Courage.
Your life....
Not just the 20 days you spent outside my womb....
But also the 8 months you spent growing inside of me....
Changed me.
You gave me Courage.
Courage to stand in the gap and fight for those who can't fight for themselves.
Courage to step out into the deepest waters of my faith where, at times, I thought I'd surely drown.
Courage to love like I'd never loved before.
You were born so sick and left us so quickly, my love.
The brokenness of this world....the effects of sin on this world....are what cause us all such hardship.
But the Lord comforted us as we grappled with our grief and pain.
He was heartbroken for us.....
Because He knew first-hand what it was like to lose a child.
Eventually, I found hope again.
I knew that the Lord wouldn't leave us in our despair...
That he wouldn't waste the experience we'd had with you.
And then I heard Him speak to me about you and Lily.
Not in an audible voice...
But I felt his presence one day last November when he laid these words on my heart as your Daddy and I were praying about whether or not to adopt Lily:
"Elaine, I need you to fight for Lily's life like you fought for Caroline's life."
YES! I told Him. I will do it!
Lily is sick like you were, Caroline.
But even if I only have a little time here on Earth with Lily like I did with you....
Every. Single. Solitary. Minute.
Will be worth it.
YOU were worth it.
LILY is worth it.
Thank you for giving me courage.
Caroline, I don't know the day or time when the Lord will take me home to be with Him.
But I know that every day that comes to an end is one day that I'm closer to seeing you both.
Each night as I close my eyes to go to sleep, I think to myself, "I'm one day closer."
My flesh longs for you to still be with us here.
We ache for what could have been our life with you.
But my soul rejoices for you, my Beautiful Victory.
We will be with you soon!
I love you,
Mama
“We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” Romans 8:22-25
Come quickly, Lord!
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