Celebrating Caroline - Day 17

Memory #17:  The Begging

Maybe on some level you could call it praying.

But let's be real.

I spent months upon months upon months....

Begging.

Begging the Lord to heal Caroline.

Begging Him to rewind time and form her body "correctly" when she was conceived.

Begging Him to spare our family this road of hardship.

Begging Him to send a tornado to hit our house so that we could all just go to heaven together.

And even after Caroline died, I begged Him to raise her back to life and give her back to me.

We spent many, many hours on our knees throughout my pregnancy and Caroline's short life.

We worshiped.

We cried.

We wailed.

We praised God for her.

We glorified Him because we knew her life was in the hands of an Almighty God.

We thanked Him for letting her grow inside of me and allowing us to love her.

But mostly we begged.

Caroline's death obviously doesn't compare to Christ's death for our Eternal salvation, but I swear there were times that I almost sweat blood as I begged God, as Jesus did in the garden, to "let this cup pass from me".

But He did not.

And I have struggled greatly with that.

Although the answers to "Why?" are very clear in God's Word (I'll spare you the Sunday School lesson), they're very difficult to accept.

They don't satisfy my longing.

And they have tested my faith.

I'll be honest.

Until the day when I my faith becomes sight,

I'm still begging Him to send that tornado :)

The Balloon Project #17

Bruce, Charise and Abigail love you, Caroline!!!