September 4th: Caroline's Wedding Day

Dear Caroline,

Was it the most wonderful thing ever imaginable?

Were you nervous, excited or calm as you walked down the aisle?

Was all of heaven in attendance or was it a private ceremony?

I wish I could have seen your smile.

I bet it lit up the entirety of the heavenly realms.

What did you do when you saw Him?

Did you run into his arms and burst out crying?

I think I will!

What did He say to you?

Did He have to say anything at all?

Or did you just automatically know how He felt about you?

I wish I’d been there.

I wish I could have witnessed the moment when you met Jesus…

Your Bridegroom.

My Bridegroom.

I long for my Wedding Day with great anticipation.

To hear Him say, “It’s over now, Elaine.  You are complete.  You are healed.”

And maybe…

Just maybe…

I'll get to hear your sweet voice call me "Mama".

I have soooooo enjoyed these past twenty days.

Remembering our time with you.

Honoring your life.

Nobody asked me about you any more after you died.

There was no reason for them to.

But not talking about you – not having any “Caroline” stories to share with others - was one of the first things I mourned after you died.

I catch people a little off-guard when they ask me how many children I have.

I don’t mean to make others feel uncomfortable.

But I can’t stand the thought of pretending like you never existed, so I always say “two”.

That way, I get to tell them all about you and your precious life.

My arms ache to hold you.

Sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up missing you so badly that I go into your brother’s room, swoop him out of his crib and hold him tightly just to soothe the ache that my arms feel without you in them.

My “arm-ache” may be soothed...

But my heartache never will.

Permanent hole.

Center of my heart.



Caroline, the only peace I have in living this life without you here is knowing that Christ died for me and my dirty, sinful heart…

My heart that needs so much more healing than your body ever did.

It will be washed clean once and for all one day

And I will spend Eternity with you.

I am also confident that God’s entire will for you was fully completed in the 20 days of life that He gave you.

That’s sometimes hard for me to understand.

And I don’t like it.

But I know it to be absolutely true.

You have changed my life, dear Beautiful Victory.

I will never be the same.

I love you, Sweet Caroline.

Mama

“We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”  Romans 8:22-25

Come quickly, Lord!